Breaking Walls
by d'Kathethan
Summary: Shunsui forces Nanao to choose what she really wants from him. ShunsuiNanao.


This is my first time writing a Nanao/Shunsui story. Any suggestions on ways to improve are welcome. This was suppposed to be a short character sketch of Nanao, but it got away from me.

I own nothing of Bleach, I just play with the characters.

* * *

Ise Nanao was at first glance, completely unremarkable. Sure, she wore glasses, but while unusual, this was not unheard of. Her hair, height, and eyes were all fairly normal. But Nanao stood out in two major ways. The first was that it appeared that she carried no zanpakuto. She did of course, what kind of Shinigami would she be if she didn't? Unlike most however, it was a tanto rather than a katana, so she wore it under her robes. Nanao was an analyst, preferring to fight her battles with Kido, so let potential opponents underestimate her abilities with a sword.

The second difference was that Nanao carried a large book with her almost everywhere she went. It was one of the mysteries of the Gotei 13 what was in the book. Some people thought it was her diary, others a book of rules and laws, still others thought it was her zanpakuto. Nanao had heard all the rumours, and when asked, would skilfully redirect the conversation.

The truth was that she hadn't always carried the book. It was a habit that she had picked up soon after becoming the fukutaicho of the 8th division. She had heard of the irrepressible taicho, and thought she was prepared. She wasn't. As much as she had prepared herself, she wasn't ready for the constant flirting, drinking, and laziness. She had stopped protesting the ever present 'Nanao-chans' her taicho used; what she wouldn't put up with was the constant physical contact. She wasn't a very tactile person, she'd smacked Kyouraku-taicho with a fan she happened to be carrying the first time he'd tried to kiss her. The second time she was reading, so she'd smacked him with her book. It was much more effective. She had started to carry to book as a way to discourage her taicho's excesses. It wasn't always effective, and he always whined, but on the whole, it worked.

Over time, the relationship between the two became deeper, and they became one of the closest command teams in the Gotei 13. Nanao still smacked him with the book, but not as hard, or as often. Kyouraku hadn't stopped hugging and touching, but she had gotten used to it. She would never admit it to anyone, but she was regretting not sticking with the fan. If she had, she would be able to leave it behind occasionally without anyone knowing. She was getting tired of it all. Decades of being constantly flattered by a person she saw every day and was professionally close to had started to wear her defences down. She often found herself smiling at the thought of spending time with him under the sakura trees when he 'rescued' her from the stacks of paperwork. What had started off seriously had turned into a facade, done out of habit, not frustration or anger.

The whole thing came to a head abruptly. Nanao had had a very long day. She had done all of her paperwork, and had nagged her taicho into doing half of his while she finished the rest. She was looking forward to a nice cup of tea and some sleep, when Kyouraku came in with a goofy grin on his face.

"Nanao-chan! You've been working too hard. My lovely Nanao-chan is pale. You need to get out more." He grabbed a bottle of sake and Nanao's hand. Pulling her towards the door, he continued, "We're going for a picnic. You haven't eaten yet have you? Of course you haven't, you've been doing paperwork all day. You're too serious Nanao-chan."

She halfheartedly slapped his hand away.

"Taicho, I'm tired. I just want to go home. Maybe if you'd do your own paperwork, I would 'get out more' as you put it."

"You wound me Nanao-chan. Did I not do stacks of paperwork today? The least you can do is have dinner with me."

Nanao sighed, but he was half right. He had done some paperwork, and if she wanted him to keep doing it, she had to reward him. Sometimes she felt like she was working with a child.

"You did half your paperwork today. That's more than you've done all week. I've done the rest, as well as handling all the problems the others have had this week. I will have the picnic with you, but I will not spend the whole evening with you."

"Wonderful, Nanao-chan. Let's go"

He picked up a basket located by the door.

Nanao frowned a little, _Am I really that predictable?_

The two of them left the 8th Division offices, and found a little courtyard not far away.

Kyouraku spread out a blanket he pulled out of the basket out on the ground. He had procured a nice variety of items for dinner and laid them out on the blanket. The two of them ate in uncharacteristic silence. Nanao was too tired to carry on a conversation, and he was watching her.

"Taicho, what are you looking at? You're starting to worry me. It's not like you to be quiet.

"I'm just appreciating the beauty here Nanao-chan. The flowers, the sunset, my Nanao-chan."

"Kyouraku-taicho, I have told you before, I am not _your_ Nanao anything. Although I do admit the sunset is beautiful."

It didn't escape his notice that she said nothing about his calling her beautiful, nor had she hit him.

They sat side by side, backs to a tree, watching the sunset, and, lulled by the warm air, comfortably full, and very tired, Nanao started to nod off. As she started to fall asleep, her head sank farther down, towards Kyouraku's shoulder. He noticed, but didn't say anything to wake her up. He hadn't been joking when he said she was looking pale. He hoped she wasn't getting sick, he didn't know what he would do without her. She was the one who really ran his division. She saw that the paperwork got done, and ensured everything ran smoothly. He also didn't know what he would do on a personal level. He had a well deserved reputation as a flirt, but he hadn't flirted with anyone since he had met her. The best thing was to let her sleep, even if it meant passing up an evening drinking with his other friends. Her head came in contact with his shoulder, and her breathing evened out into the rhythm of sleep. He sat there, lost in his thoughts, as the sun finished setting. With the disappearance of the sun, the temperature started to drop, and Nanao started to shiver a bit in her sleep. He gently lifted her head and shrugged out of his pink haori, wrapping it around her. He settled back against the tree, and closed his eyes. There were much worse things than spending the night with his Nanao-chan at his side.

Nanao came to awareness gradually. Her pillow seemed to be rising and falling slowly. She could also smell something unusual. It was like her room had been inundated with flowers, incense and sake. She was warm, but a little uncomfortable. She opened her eyes, and was immediately overwhelmed with the colour pink. She appeared to be curled up against her taicho, her head resting on his chest, wrapped up in his ridiculous haori, as he lay on the ground, watching her.

"Taicho! What are we doing here? What am _I_ doing here? Where _is_ here?" She sat up, taking off his haori.

"My lovely, confused Nanao-chan. We had dinner last night, watched the sunset and then you fell asleep. I didn't want to disturb you, you looked so beautiful sleeping there, resting against me. You look a little better this morning, how did you sleep?"

"You mean we spent the whole night here? Together?" Her voice rose in pitch with every word, and she blushed fiery red.

"My Nanao-chan looks so cute when she blushes. Yes, we spent the night here together, you using me as a pillow. Were you comfortable? Should we do this again?"

"Sir! I'm sorry you were inconvenienced last night, but that's no reason to be so silly. We can't do this again, ever. What if someone saw us! Wait! What time is it?"

"I have no idea Nanao-chan. And so what if someone saw us? They would see a taicho and his fukutaicho sitting together, nothing else. There's nothing wrong with that, it happens all the time."  
"Taicho, I have to get to the office. There's new paperwork, I need to get started on it."

Her voice trailed off as he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"What was that for?" She was in such shock that she didn't even think to smack him.

"That was for being my efficient, hardworking, nagging, proper, and above all beautiful Nanao-chan. So concerned about what other people think or feel. What do _you_ want Nanao."

"I, I want to, I should, I need to go." With that, she leapt to her feet, and ran.

He gazed after her, a strange look in his eyes. Thinking that he needed to give her some time, he decided to go visit Jyuushiro. That should give her time so sort out whatever she was feeling.

Nanao fled from the courtyard as fast as she could. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Her taicho had just kissed her, and she… had liked it. Liked it enough to not pull back or protest. Now she was confused. She was honest enough with herself to admit that she liked Kyouraku-taicho, and not just on a professional level, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to carry it any farther. She had heard his declarations of love on a daily basis, but wasn't sure if he actually meant them, or if he just said that to fill space. She didn't want to say anything to him if he wasn't serious. She wasn't willing to risk a broken heart; she had done that already, so if he was just playing, she wanted no part of it. The other side of the question was that he was telling the truth, and he really did mean all those things he said. If that was true, she was sure that she would lose her heart to him almost immediately, and that scared her. She didn't know how to figure out what he felt. How could she be sure of his feelings? She wished she knew a way. For now, she decided that she should just go on as before, hard as that may be, until she had an answer.

Having settled that in her mind, she made her way back to the office. Paperwork would continue, even when major emotional revelations were happening. It was a good way to even out her thought processes, and calm herself down. Besides, she could count on him to avoid his paperwork, and she wasn't sure that she was ready to face him just yet. Entering the office, and seeing the mounds of paperwork, she was glad that her logic hadn't completely abandoned her. Nanao felt herself calming down as she immersed herself in the familiar routine of paperwork. It gave her time to think, and she needed to think very badly.

Shunsui ambled into the 13th Division offices. Jyuushiro's competing third seats immediately descended upon him, trying to be the first to determine what he wanted. Having learned that his best friend was having a good today, he went into his office.

"Shunsui. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company? You're looking a little more rumpled than usual. Did you spend the whole night carousing again?"

"Not exactly. I did spend the night out, but not carousing. I slept under a tree with my Nanao-chan curled up beside me. It was one of the best nights of my life. At least until she woke up, panicked, and ran."  
"And you didn't do anything to panic her, I'm sure."  
"Not a thing. Well, I might have given her a small kiss on the cheek, but nothing major."  
"You didn't. Shunsui, you know better than that. Are you trying to drive her away? I've told you many times, if you are serious about this, you have to go slowly. If you move too quickly, you'll scare her, and you will probably never get her back."  
"I know that. I just kissed her cheek, and didn't say anything before or after. Well, I asked her what she wanted. I think I'm making progress Jyuu. After I kissed her, she protested, and ran, but she didn't hit me with anything. That has to count for something, right?"

Jyuushiro just sighed. "Maybe. Maybe she was just too shocked to do anything. I don't know. She's a person who keeps her feelings close, making her very hard to read. It could be good. At least you didn't follow her when she ran."  
"Give me a little credit, I have a bit more sense than that. I know when people really need their space, and how to give them that space. Jyuu, how do I figure out what she really wants?"  
"You need to tell her how you feel. Let her know that you are serious. You do have quite a reputation you know."  
"I know. My only question is how to let her know. I tell her at least once a day that she's beautiful, and that she's my Nanao-chan, but she still doesn't believe me."

Jyuushiro sighed again. "Shunsui, that's probably _why_ she doesn't believe you. You constantly flatter her, and then move on. Of course she's confused. You're sending her mixed messages. On one hand, that you're interested, on the other, that you're just flirting. If you are serious, you need to let her know. You'll get farther if you only send one message. You are serious, aren't you."?  
"As serious as I've ever been about anything. I've found the one person that I love more than anything. How do I let her know that I truly love her?"

"I think I have a few ideas I can give you, so pay attention."

By the late afternoon, Nanao had calmed herself down nicely. She still didn't know what she should be feeling, but it was the more normal confusion her taicho usually instilled in her. Annoyance at his avoidance of paperwork, and at his favoured form of address, coupled with the amusement she so desperately tried to hide at the same things. She had also managed to work her way through three quarters of the stacks of paperwork that had been waiting for her when she got back. Kyouraku-taicho had yet to make an appearance, but that wasn't all that unusual either. He sometimes didn't show up until around this time. That usually annoyed her, but today it was rather nice. His absence had given her the time she needed to clear her head. She sighed, and picked up her brush and the next piece of paper. Just as she was about to sign, her taicho swept into the office.

"Good afternoon Nanao-chan. How are you feeling now? Better, I hope."  
"Yes, Kyouraku-taicho. Thank-you. How was your day?"  
"Fine. Fine."

With that, he scooped up a pile of paper, and sat down at his desk.

Nanao's jaw dropped. He was doing paperwork voluntarily? She didn't even have to nag him?  
"Taicho, are you feeling all right?"  
"Yes Nanao. Why do you ask?"  
"No reason. You're really going to do all that work? I don't even have to ask you?"

"Of course I am. I _am_ the taicho of the Division aren't I? That means doing work occasionally. Besides, I don't want you getting sick. You were looking pale yesterday, and you should take it easy for a while. I'll finish the work here. You go home and get some extra sleep. You deserve it."

Nanao looked at him, confused. This was totally out of character for her lazy taicho. He usually had to be nagged into doing even half of what he had just said he would do. She had no idea what was going on. What could he possibly be thinking? Maybe he was sick. That was the only explanation she could think of. He had spent the night outside, so maybe he had caught something.

"Sir,"

He cut her off," relax Nanao-chan. I know what I'm doing. The work will be done, and done properly, by the time you get back in the morning. Now go, have a relaxing evening."

Still confused, she left the office, wondering what had happened to the most laid back Taicho in the whole Gotei 13. Still, he was right. She was tired, and it would be nice to get an early night. Wondering if she was just postponing the paperwork, she went home.

When she walked into the office the next morning, she thought she had entered the wrong office somehow. That could be the only reason there was someone else there before her. The only problem with that theory was that no-one other than Kyouraku-taicho wore a flamboyant pink haori. She couldn't figure out why he would be in the office before her. It had happened before, but only when he had hosted a sake party the night before, and was too drunk to find his way back to his room. That wasn't what happened here though; her taicho was sitting at his desk, getting a head start on the paperwork. This confirmed her suspicion that something was seriously wrong with him. He was never in the office when she got in, much less working.

"Kyouraku-taicho, what are you doing?"

"Nanao-chan, is something wrong with your eyes? I'm working. Paperwork doesn't do itself you know."

"No, no it doesn't. It normally gets done because I do it. You never do paperwork. What's going on?"  
"I'm just trying to do something nice for my Nanao-chan. Is there something wrong with that?"  
"No. Thank-you. Let me help you."

It occurred to her that he was going out of his way to impress her. She didn't know what was going through his mind, but as long as it made her life easier, she wasn't going to complain.

They worked in amiable silence for a while, until Nanao couldn't take it anymore.

Her curiosity had finally gotten the best of her. She had to know what was going on. She went to stand in front of his desk.

"What are you doing? I usually have to nag you for hours before you even pick up a pen. Now you're doing hours of work without me even asking you. What's gotten into you?"

She hadn't meant to, but her voice had risen until she was shouting at him. She blushed, and continued in a quieter voice, "Why are you doing this? Are you just toying with me? Getting me used to a taicho who actually works, then slacking off again, just to laugh at the poor fukutaicho who'd believe anything?"

She looked at him, expecting to see his usual joking expression. Instead he looked as serious as she had ever seen him.

"Do you honestly believe that I'd do something like that?" His voice conveyed deep hurt. "I thought you trusted me Nanao."

His omission of the diminutive on her name sent a blast of cold through her. It seemed that she had really hurt him.

"I do trust you. I don't know why I said that. I don't really think you'd do that. I'm just trying to figure out what you _are_ doing. None of this is like you at all. I'm confused. I just want to know what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking that I needed to try something different to get my Nanao-chan's attention. You didn't seem to believe me when I told you that I loved you, or that you are beautiful. Jyuu said that it was probably because you though that I was joking. I know I have a bit of a reputation, but this time, I mean it. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I don't want to lose you. I thought that helping you out with the paperwork would make more of an impression on you than anything else, and nothing else seemed to work."

Nanao could only look at him in shock. That was the last thing she would have expected him to say. The part of her that was falling in love with him was dancing for joy. The part of her that had built up walls to avoid getting her heart broken again was still cautious. "You're doing this to impress me? Why?"

"Because my Nanao-chan, you have stolen my heart, and I don't know if I can go on without telling you. I started falling in love with you soon after you became my fukutaicho. I just want to know if this is unrequited love, or if there is any chance of you returning my feelings."

Nanao just stared at him. Her head was full of whirling thoughts, and she couldn't sort through any of them. The only thing she could do was stand there and blink at him. Her mouth opened, but she closed it again, she couldn't think of a single thing to say that would be coherent.

Kyouraku-taicho looked at her for several long moments. He must have seen something of the conflict in her eyes, because his eyes softened, and he smiled at her.

"What are you afraid of, my Nanao-chan? Why won't you let yourself feel what you obviously want to?"

"Because it hurts too much when it ends."

He had to strain to hear her almost inaudible whisper.

"We fight on a regular basis. Even you sometimes have to fight. If I let myself feel what I want to, and you're killed, it will hurt too much. It can't be worth that much pain; nothing can be."

He watched as a single tear started to slide down her face. "I know you're a good fighter, but even you could be killed. I never want to feel like that again."

He reached out and wiped the tear away. He had never suspected that she was hiding something like that. One day he would get the whole story out of her, but right now, he had to reassure her that it was all right to feel.

"You're so wrong Nanao. There is nothing wrong with letting yourself feel love. Yes, it can hurt if something happens to end it, but that doesn't mean that it's not worth it. If you do love me, that's something wonderful, and I'll return your love; if you don't, I'll live. _You_ have to decide one way or the other. You can't keep denying something because you're scared that it may cause you pain. If you do, you'll only end up hurting yourself much worse. Nanao, this is a choice that only you can make, but make it knowing that I do love you, and nothing will ever change that."

She was crying now, silently, her suppressed sobs shaking her small frame. She had never even imagined that her irreverent captain could have such depths.

He threw all caution to the winds, and enveloped her in his arms. She stiffened a little, but then collapsed against him. He staggered a little at the unexpected weight, and gently lowered them down, so he was sitting with her across his legs. Her mind was still racing, but one thought was starting to coalesce. It was the idea that he was right. She did love him, and she was tired of trying to hide it. Maybe it was time to try feeling again. It was just so hard to break through the walls she had spent so long building up. Her arms, seemingly of their own accord reached out, and she clung to him with all her might. They stayed like that for an unknown amount of time, Nanao crying, and Kyouraku trying to give what comfort he could.

Finally her tears came to an end, and she just relaxed against his chest. She was warm, and felt safe. On the other hand, her eyes were swollen and probably red, her nose hurt, and she was sure her face was red and blotchy. Not exactly the way this should go.

"Kyouraku-taicho, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to accuse you of toying with me. I think I started falling in love with you years ago. I was just too scared that something would happen, or that you were just flirting. Your reputation didn't make it easier to figure out what you were actually doing." She was still leaning her head against his chest, speaking softly, avoiding his gaze.

His heart leapt at the admission of love he had been waiting for finally admitted. He reached out to turn her head so he could see her face. It was wet with tears, red, and her eyes were red as well. He thought she looked beautiful, even so.

"Nanao-chan, once two people have declared love for each other, it's acceptable to use first names."  
"Shunsui. I should have known that you were serious. I spend most of my time with you after all, but walls are so hard to break down."

It was wonderful to finally hear her say his name, but the second half of her statement concerned him.

"Nanao-chan, I can't promise that I won't die, but I can promise that I will _never_ voluntarily leave you. I love you, and would never leave you. And as you may have noticed, I can be very persistent. The only way we'll be separated will be if you leave me."

Her arms tightened at that last statement, indicating that she would do no such thing.

The two of them sat in silence for a while, just revelling in the closeness of each other. They were abruptly brought back to the realization that they were in a public place when Matsumoto walked into the office. She didn't see the two of them at first, hidden as they were behind Nanao's desk.

"Nanao? Are you here? You missed the fukutaicho meeting this morning. That's unlike you; if you're going to miss, you at least send word. Are you all right?" As she talked, she came further into the office, and saw them on the floor.

She didn't know what had happened, but she knew it had to be big. Not only were the two of them embraced on the floor, Nanao was dishevelled and looked like she had been crying. That was surprising, Matsumoto had only seen her look less than totally pulled together after a battle.

"Nanao! Are you all right? Shunsui-san, what did you do to her?"

"I'm fine Rangiku. He didn't do anything other than force me to evaluate what I really wanted. I came up with some surprising results, that's all."

Matsumoto had to admit that other than the tears and general rumpledness, Nanao didn't really look unhappy. Far from it. She looked like she had just had a major revelation.

Most people couldn't see past the somewhat daft exterior Matsumoto presented to the world, but underneath, she was a very intelligent woman. She combined the position of Nanao and Shunsui, and the expressions on their faces and came up with an answer that was remarkably close to the truth.

"Finally! It took the two of you long enough to figure it out! All of Seireitei saw this coming. Nanao, I'm so happy for you!"

Nanao blushed. She was still getting used to the idea that she was in love with Shunsui, and now everyone would know. There was no point in trying to keep anything a secret with Rangiku knowing. She wasn't a malicious person; she just didn't see the point of keeping good news to herself.

Shunsui chose that moment to speak up.

"Matsumoto, can you let Jyuushiro know that I'm going to miss the taicho's meeting later on? I need to stay here with Nanao. You may have noticed that she's a little insecure sometimes, and I don't want her changing her mind about this. In fact, let the 8th know that they can have the day off. I don't want to be disturbed today."  
"Sir, you can't send someone else to give the division the day off. I changed the rules after a particularly rowdy drinking party that resulted in Kira giving _our_ division the day off instead of _his_. It has to be one of us. It's better if it's me, but it can be either of us."

Shunsui had the grace to look a little sheepish at that. He remembered what she was talking about. That was something that had gotten a little out of hand.

"Well then, my practical Nanao-chan, as long as you promise to come right back, I guess I can let you go give our hard working division some time off."

Nanao nodded, and walked out of the office with Matsumoto. As they went their separate ways, the blonde enveloped Nanao in a huge hug.

"Nanao, this is wonderful. I just know you'll be so happy. I'm glad you figured it out."

With that, she disappeared.

Nanao blushed again, and continued her journey to the main gathering area of the division.

"With Kyouraku-taicho's permission, 8th Division has the day free. The taicho requests that he not be disturbed. If questions arise, please see the third seat."

It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if they needed to see the third seat, Nanao would also be unavailable. They also came to the correct conclusion, and broke out in applause. Nanao felt like her face was going to be red for the rest of her life as she blushed yet again. She quickly left and went back to the office. Shunsui was waiting for her, exactly where she had left him.

She went over to him and sat down, once again leaning into him. She didn't protest when he draped an arm over her shoulder, and pulled her close. They spent the whole day like that, just sitting together, and talking. Nanao telling him about her early life, and what had caused her walls, and Shunsui doing the same, but reassuring her that what they had would last. At one point, later in the afternoon, they heard a rustle, but when they looked up, they saw only a tray on Nanao's desk. It contained enough food for a small army, much less two, but it was all of their favourite foods. It was a clear message, people knew, and approved.

As darkness fell, Shunsui stood, drew Nanao to her feet, swept her into his arms, and carried her to his quarters.

The future might be full of bumps and surprises, but now he would be able to face them with his Nanao at his side. As for Nanao, she was still working on the idea that she admitted her love for him, but was gradually getting used to it. She still vaguely dreaded the day it would all come to an end, but now knew that the love she felt now was worth anything she might feel in the future.


End file.
